Why not start the week with some generosity?
Over the last couple of weeks many in this community have reached out to me directly to offer a kind word -- so, thank you 🙏
You can start your week off with kindness & generosity too.
I've made it easy for you...
Copy & paste the below to a friend or family member:
"Hey – hope you had a great weekend and all's well – just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. Saw this and thought you might enjoy reading it: https://one-percent-better.kit.com/count-me-in."
Ok...onto this week's OPB...
Who You Are, What You Do, and Why it Matters.
I find that most people, including myself, tend to struggle with identifying, defining or appreciating their own self worth. To highlight this, I had a series of client meetings over the last few weeks where I found myself drawing upon a podcast I had listened to in which the question was posed:
“Would you rather be loved for who you are or for what you do?”
When you answer this question, you’ll more than likely find that you’d prefer to be loved for who you are.
But when you follow up and ask yourself “do I love myself more for who I am, or more for what I do” – well, you’ll probably answer that you love yourself more for what you do, than for who you are.
​Therein lies a conundrum – you want others to love you for something that you don’t even love yourself for – and that’s loving you for who you are.​
What we’re getting at here is how to understand “enoughness”. That merely your existence alone – the sheer fact that you’re alive and here with us now – reading this – thinking about this – makes you enough. Not to get too spiritual, or at the risk of being everyone’s therapist this week, it’s true.
Look no further than when you look at a child. They are the purest form of enoughness. They don’t owe us anything, don’t need to perform anything, do anything extra, or contribute anything. They just are – and that is enough. And yet, somewhere along the way of growing up we lose our childhood in a sea of competition, mimetic desire, and fragile attachment to those who raised us in and out of our homes.
The Power of Pride
Rather than focus on self worth being tied to external validators, try and look within for a sense of validation.
I hear lots of complaints around what people are/or are not getting in their lives. Yet, this framing ties their emotional experience to external markers that they have very little control over.
I’ve found it helpful to recommend that people turn towards focusing on what can make them proud, versus tying their self worth, or feelings of accomplishment, to results. Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself that recenters the frame back on you, and can help strengthen your sense of self worth:
- Am I proud of how I prepared for…?
- Am I proud of how I showed up or behaved for…?
- Am I proud of my effort on…?
- Am I proud of my attitude towards…?
By asking yourself these questions, you will find that you center the locus of control back on you, versus on the external environment. Even if you’re not thrilled with the answers to these questions, you still can change them without needing any assistance or feedback from the external environment…you’re in control of all these domains…which is where we want to be if we’re working to improve ourselves and our self worth.
TO-DOs
- Check in on those questions above and see how you stack up when you measure yourself against yourself – how proud are you of how you’re showing up?
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- If you're in a relationship with someone who is struggling…like really having a hard time…try and take perspective on this week's theme and remember that they don’t NEED to do anything else to be good enough. If they’re with you and in a relationship with you, that is enough. Take the pressure off them, and remind them that you see them trying or struggling, and remind them they don’t need to prove it to you. We can have high expectations and keep those expectations separate from a person's innate value.
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- Remember, all that chasing, that growth-mindedness and rationalized pursuit for something great…it’s often just an illusion of the mind. Sure, you may still want it, just like I still want to write this for you all to read, but I encourage you to detach your self worth from your achievements. Honestly, I don’t need you to read this for me to feel like this is something I want to do, just like you don’t need to do anything more for me to appreciate that we’re connected, or that your presence this hour, this day, this week is probably quite special in and of itself. Believe it or not – we need you here – not because of what you’re doing, but because of who you are.
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- Be dedicated this week to viewing your world and the people around you like you would when you look at children – everyone is trying their best. Everyone is trying so hard to be seen and to be validated. See that, and lean into being the leader who remembers that. Wish people the best. Say thank you. Act selflessly, without any strings attached or desired outcomes. The world will be a better place this week if you do.
If you want to go a bit deeper on concepts of self worth, and your intrinsic value, click here.
Thanks for reading as always.
Time to win the week 🏆
See you next week :)
– J
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