That’s what one of my former clients said to me when we met up in Salt Lake City last month.

He’d reached out when he saw I was visiting my brother in Moab, Utah. What made it even more meaningful:

He was the first client I ever worked with as a therapist.

And now, nearly a decade later, here we were, sitting across from each other over coffee. He had grown into a healthy, confident, self-directed, empowered young man living a life filled with meaning.

As a therapist, these are the moments that stay with you. You see the impact of the work right in front of you. From sitting across from a client in a therapy room, to sitting across from the same person, no longer a client, now just two people, catching up over coffee, nearly 2,500 miles and 8+ years from where it started.

It was special.

But it was more than a meaningful moment.
​

He shared two gems of wisdom I want to pass on to you:

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Take the Next Right Step

He told me that one of the most powerful lessons he learned in recovery was this:

When life felt overwhelming or impossible to navigate, that simple focus kept him moving forward.

It wasn’t about fixing everything at once. It wasn’t about figuring it all out. It was about asking:

“What’s the right next step I can take right now?”

This mindset helped him rebuild after setbacks, mistakes, and moments of doubt.

And here’s the thing, you don’t need to be in recovery to use it. Whether you’re navigating a difficult season, stuck in a tough decision, or simply trying to get through the day:

Taking the “right next step” keeps you moving toward the life you want—one small action at a time.

It’s also a powerful way to avoid letting mistakes spiral. Everyone makes errors, even serious ones. But what matters most is preventing a bad moment from turning into a bad day…a bad day into a bad week…a bad week into a bad month.

Taking the next right step is how you stop that cycle.

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“Who do you want to show up as?”

He shared that this question changed him. Someone close to him in recovery had passed it on, and it stuck.

He kept reiterating this point during our coffee chat. I think so much of what this line captures is viewing yourself as someone who your building or becoming versus haplessly or aimlessly engaging in the world without a sense of responsibility or ownership. For those who are really struggling, it can be easy to convince yourself to enjoy the moment, break rules, act on impulse, because after all, you're a free spirit.

That level of impulsivity can feel justified for those struggling with substance abuse in particular. And yet the short term bliss of living freely without restriction—unburdened by expectation, embracing carlessessness and naviety as a way to escape—all can come crashing down.

Eventually, life demands responsibility—whether you’re prepared or not.

This question puts you back in the driver’s seat. It makes you name who you’re trying to be. It makes you pause before acting.

As in the above, you don’t need to be in recovery for this to apply to your life. If you've ever had times where you look back and wish it would have gone differently, this line is for you.

Don’t mistake living freely as coming with no personal responsibility. Have the discipline and courage to ask:

Who do I want to show up as?

Then:

Take the right next step to become that person.

Thanks for reading as always. See you next week.

– J

PS: If this resonated, it would mean a lot if you shared this newsletter with just one friend. There’s a quiet community of people striving to get better every day—and we’d love to have them along for the ride.

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​Valiance Counseling & Coaching, 99 Cherry St, Milford, CT
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