8 Lessons from 1,500+ Hours With Clients in 2025
As we enter the final edition of 2025, I wanted to try and synthesize the lessons I learned from over 1500 hundred hours spent with clients as a therapist and high performance coach. Here are the eight lessons that stood out most as I head into 2026:
#1 Support without Shame
It appears that shame may be the single most important center piece of my discussions with clients this year. Kids seek to avoid feeling it, while parents inadvertently perpetrate it. To be clear, shame is the feeling like “I’m bad”, whereas guilt is the feeling of “I did something bad.” Many of my clients harbor feelings of shame and exhibit subsequent behaviors that are disruptive and draw disproportionate attention towards correcting behavior, rather than towards addressing the core emotional needs (reducing shame).
Shame often gets delivered in the form of saying “you aren’t…” without first leading out with an understanding of separating a person from their behavior. Many children, and most adults even, struggle with this distinction – that is, knowing that how a person behaves is not always a reflection of the kind of person they are.
o offer support, be clear about how you feel about tsomeonefirst – highlight elements of a person's character that you admire or respect and then follow that up with a behavior critique.
#2 Find a Community
In November of 2024 I left my full time role as COO at a growing private practice and came into managing my practice full time. What I was leaving behind was a community of likeminded professionals and I knew I needed to foster a sense of connection to replace what I was leaving. I joined several virtual groups this year – Alex Auerbach’s High Performance Circle and Emily Huston’s Home Team.
If you’re in the midst of making a transition – either from one job to another – or from one location to another – there’s real power that comes from feeling connected to a community. It’s never been easier to find shared work spaces online where like minded individuals gather to share ideas, work on long term projects together, or simply rally together on a shared mission. I’ve been very fortunate to have joined these partnerships and would strongly recommend you not only follow their work, but find your versions of an Alex or an Emily too.
#3 Spend Money to Make Money
Our business invested heavily in 2025 and has plans to reinvest again in 2026. I’ve consulted with many private practice owners throughout the years and it always surprises me just how few do some simple things to increase their reach. If you’re a solopreneur of any kind, here are 3x things we do as a business to separate ourselves out from the competition, feel free to borrow from our playbook:
- Handwritten thank you notes to every referral source (or in other businesses, closed leads).
- Holiday gifts to the top referrants to thank them for thinking of us.
- Feedback surveys to let us know how we’re doing (this can be done by engaging with people who have already purchased something from you and seeing what they thought about your business)
#4 It’s Not too Saturated
I remember thinking that creating content in a world of content creators felt a bit cringe and uncomfortable. What would people who have known me for a long time think about the kind of content I was creating? Would anyone care? Isn’t there enough of this on the internet already?
The truth is the market isn’t saturated. The creator economy is set to raise an additional 18% in ad spend in 2026 as more and more marketing agencies realise the power of targeting your perfect audience, rather than broad base marketing.
One of my best friends who works in marketing once told me that your identity is your brand – few people in my case are male therapists, consultants, professors who also identify as a competitive athlete and who now also identify with being a father – that’s a venn diagram of me and could resonate with many (maybe even you):
In 2026, think about the intersections of all your interests and if you’re thinking about putting yourself out there, know there 's an audience that probably cares about those intersections of identity as well.
#5 You’re an Adaptation Machine
Whatever your doubts are, just remember that you’ve adapted enough to get to where you are already today. This one really came true for me with the birth of our daughter this past July. Truthfully, it’s been a weird experience to have the adaptation happen almost involuntarily and watch those around me adapt in kind. It’s almost as if we’re built to adapt…oh wait…we are.
So, as we head into 2026 I just keep on trying to remind myself (and now to you outloud as well) that whatever doubts you have, just know that you’ll make it through it all. The pain you’re feeling as you adjust and adapt is normal – don’t resist it – onboard it, accept it, difficulty and all. It won’t eliminate the difficulty, but it will shorten the duration of pain you’re experiencing.
#6 Don’t Make it Harder Than it Has to Be
This past year I wanted to learn more about sport performance and sport psychology. I looked into getting credentialed as a Certified Mental Performance Consultant (CMPC). I hired the required mentor to help me get the hours I needed to pursue certification, sent in my transcripts to the governing body that oversees the process and even registered for a month-long accelerated course at National University to fulfill some course work I was missing.
But something wasn’t adding up. I was seeing plenty of high performing athletes at Valiance, enjoying the work, making a difference with those that I worked with, and all the while hearing from CMPC’s about just how difficult their chosen field of work was without a license in mental health as well. So I did something I rarely do – I quit – I stopped pursuing getting my CMPC and just reinvested in learning the old fashioned way, by reading.
Sometimes the answers we are looking for are right in front of us. I was anxious that I wouldn’t be viewed as legitimate enough in the space of sport psychology, felt inadequate that I wouldn’t stack up with those who had a PhD, and felt a push to try and legitimize myself to those in the field by getting some more letters after my name. But for what? My clients were already telling me a story – they trusted me – I just needed to listen more closely.
In 2026, I’m going to try to trust evidence over anxiety. I’m going to try and be better at staying focused on doing a few things really well and not try to spread myself too thin with all these side quests. If you find yourself getting distracted, I’d hope the same for you too.
#7 It Takes Time
In January of 2025 I built a 4 week course with Matt Rieger to help athletes bounce back from injury. It was a totally free 4 week course called The Comeback Code.
Unfortunately, we didn’t see a ton of interest in the material we produced. However, what we did learn along the way was how to work together on some projects that later helped us get to where we are today. Here’s how that work evolved after The Comeback Code:
- Attended the Connecticut Athletic Trainers Association as a keynote sponsor
- Presented to 70+ members of CATA for a workshop in the Fall
- Landed a year long contract with the New England Force soccer club to deliver valuable player development to 1400 athletes
Sometimes it takes a year to see the fruits of your labor come to pass. If you’re in the building phase in 2026, just remember, it takes time.
#8 Liminal Spaces are Good for You, but Hard
When you’re in a space of growing, you’re changing from who you were to who you’re becoming. That can be a difficult shift, and by definition, you’re in a liminal space.
The change from 2025 to 2026 represents a liminal space. For some of you, you’re probably aspiring to change some things that you don’t like about your life. For others, you’re in a phase of transition with family or friends that has caught you off guard, and is forcing you to adapt and change. Many of the parents we see at Valiance are currently in a liminal space of change with their adolescent as they grow through a challenging phase in development. The key insight here is that it’s not just the other person that’s growing – the whole system is growing and adapting as well.
For example, as I make changes to how I show up at work, I create a liminal space of change for those that work with me.
Sons/daughters growing from adolescence to emerging adulthood force the whole family to grow alongside them.
Business owners who want to show up more authentically and as better leaders create downstream changes to their staff.
As you head into 2026, just remember that the challenges you’ll be facing as you seek to grow and change also will force those around you to do the same. Yes, it will be hard for everyone. But on the other side of liminal spaces is self actualized growth – something that I think we’re all chasing and hoping for.
One final note to close out the year – I want to thank everyone for following along with OPB each week this year. To have you along for the ride has been a blast, and it’s been a privilege to have such great readership throughout the year. One thing is for sure – we’re going to be building some amazing things in 2026 and I can’t wait to share it all with this community. I believe that now more than ever we – as human beings – are in need of a community to connect with people. That’s the mission we’re on at Valiance and one that I hope to bring to OPB as well.
To that end, I want to be sure I deliver this community my best in 2026 and to do that, I may be sacrificing quantity for quality. Rather than weekly editions, look out for a change in frequency as I adjust to bring you higher quality content every-other week. As always, you can reach out directly if you want to get in touch – I promise to always respond.
See you in 2026!
Thanks for reading as always and if this resonates with you, forward this edition to a friend!
Time to win the week 🏆
See you next week :)
– J
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